Wrist cuffs: no, they are not fashion forward . . .
In the ever continuing saga of How I Met Your Mother, Ted continues not to meet the mother, Barney and Robin get used to being engaged and Lily and Marshall get it on.
Naturally, it all starts with Ted’s douchebag fashion statement of
the month. Having met a girl in a wrist cuff store (and having bought
said wrist cuff, which the gang promptly makes him take off), he soon
reveals she’s twenty years old. This is both awesome (way to go Ted!)
and worrisome (oh, Ted…not dealing with Robin and Barney’s engagement in
a healthy way, are we?).
Barney, of course, immediately latches onto this fact and somehow
makes it both hilarious and skeezy by barging in on Ted in the middle of
the night and telling him he has to “bang” the twenty year old to help
him get through his one night-stand withdrawal. He also steals Ted’s
dream journal to write down catch lines. Oh, and he may have slept with
Ted’s mother. Atta boy Barney. Even engaged, you’re still the bro-ist of
the bros.
The cuff jumps off Ted’s wrist and somehow lands on Marshall’s
(mostly because he puts it on). Lily makes fun of him and then, in
another one of “Lily has another semi-weird sexual fetish” storylines,
immediately extrapolates this into a druggie, bad boy East Village
musician sex persona for Marshall. Much making out (and more) ensues.
In the other accessory driven character derailing, Robin discovers
the cons to being engaged. They mostly consist of not being able to get
free stuff: no more free coffee, no more free bagels, no more free beer.
(Yes, apparently single Robin was that hot). This being How I Met Your Mother,
as she explains this sudden turn of events to Lily and Marshall, her
memory tranforms into a Broadway musical number. There are handsome
extras, a catchy jingle and yes, a Dirty Dancing/Chorus Line dance
lift finale. This show is just dying to do a musical episode, which I
just wish they would do already so they can get Broadway out of their
collective system.
Lily and Marshall explain to Robin that her engagement ring, like all engagement rings, has Lord of the Rings
evil Sauron, The One Ring powers: it renders the wearer invisible.
Robin doesn’t believe this until, in an attempt to get a beer, she takes
it off. She’s seen! She gets the beer! She puts it back on. She turns
invisible! Literally, she really does. All you can see are three beer
bottles levitating from the bar on their own to the booth. Oh the magic
of post-production.
Barney is unaware of his fiancée’s quandary and continues to badger
Ted to bang the twenty-year old. Ted patiently explains to his friend
that he can’t have sex with someone unless he makes some sort of
emotional connection (oh Ted, Ted, Ted, just man up already and have the
meaningless sex we know you’re going to have)! Barney tells him to
hurry up, and Ted attempts to connect with a twenty year old who: (A)
has an older man/grandpa fetish; and (b) apparently is so young that she
considers Ted old enough to have fought in Vietnam. Wow.
With these two difficulties to overcome, will they ever manage to fall into bed? Yep, due to a smartphone R2D2 ring and Star Wars references. Score another one for George Lucas getting geeks everywhere laid.
Ted, after the dirty deed is done, reports back to Barney. Barney
gleefully asks for a picture of the girl. Ted provides, which Barney
drools over until he scrolls up to the girl’s face and realizes: it’s
his own half-sister! Gasp! A violation of the bro-code (maybe).
Marshall, in obedience to Lily’s sex drive and his desire to exploit
it, continues to wear the cuff and adds leather pants, a beanie, a tight
shirt and a wallet chain. Lily jumps him every chance she gets. The
cuff, however, is causing a rash/allergic reaction/infection on his
wrist. Robin notices the disgusting inflammation and inquires why
Marshall continues on his quest to die by ugly fashion. Marshall
explains to Robin that though he may look like a fool, it’s a sparse
sexual desert post-childbirth and he will travel to any coital oasis he
can find. Robin half listens and then turns her attention again to
pouting over her engagement ring invisibility.
Barney lures Ted to his apartment and tries to marry Ted to his
half-sister so it’s not gross anymore. Ted says no. Half sister looks
confused. Barney starts a tirade about how one night stands are
meaningless! Just meaningless! And Ted can’t do that to his sister! Ted
sidesteps the issue by pointing out that Barney is clearly through his
one night stand withdrawal and it’s all thanks to him and the half
sister. Barney is delighted, as long as Ted and his sister swear never
to hook up again. Ted and his sister promise/don’t promise. Barney is
confounded. Yup, payback’s a bitch, Mr. Manhattan’s biggest man-whore.
Lily and Marshall continue to mack on each other until Lily notices
Marshall’s hand has swelled to ginormous proportions. After the
screaming stops she asks “how did this happen???” He explains about the
cuff. She then assures Marshall she finds him attractive and would sleep
with him by virtue of his smile alone. Awwww. Marshall is relieved and
then he faints.
Once tended to by the medical profession, he and Lily meet Robin at
the bar. They explain to her that though the engagement ring does have
unwelcome side effects, it all pales in comparison to being with the one
person you love the most in the entire world/bar. Awwww. Barney walks
in and Robin realizes she wouldn’t get rid of the ring: plus, she solves
her how-do-I-get-alcohol-for-free now problem by instructing Barney to
get her a Scotch on the rocks. He complies. Free drink and quick
service, score! Then Ted walks in with a fedora and tells the gang to
shut-up, this new girl’s ass is awesome.
Ugh. Ted. There’s only so much leeway one gives for emotional pain before it just gets truly, truly old-man creeper. Ick.
The episode ends with Lily discovering Marshall’s turn on, which
apparently are mom jeans. And yes, this is rendered even weirder by the
fact that when she wears them, she vaguely resembles Marshall’s mother.
Ewwwwwwww.
by: www.denofgeek.us
